There is some controversy out and about social media about dog parks today and about the importance of our dogs having doggie friends. The controversy about dog parks is about how safe they are for our dogs, about whether or not we should frequent them and about just how important it is to our dogs to play with other dogs at the dog park. The controversy about our dogs needing other dog friends seems to be the product of well-meaning dog 'parents' assigning human needs and feelings to dogs.Dog Parks
I'm sure that there's plenty of 'scientific' evidence to support the pros and cons of dogs parks but what about using some common sense? Can't we just simply use our common sense to ferret this issue out for ourselves?
Common sense like our dogs are dogs; they are not our children that require our efforts and support to make sure that they are well-socialized so that they will be able to get along with others and therefore will be accepted by other humans. Our dogs, whether people out there like it or not, are pack, or if you prefer 'family', oriented. Our dogs, if gone feral, with few exceptions will gravitate to a group to be a part of and will find their place (status) in that pack without any help from us and also without aggression issues. They don't care who their family or pack is or how big it is; they just simply instinctively gravitate toward being a part of a group; regardless of what specie makes up that group. So why is it that we humans assign our own human emotional needs to be popular among our peers to our dogs and then focus so much energy on getting them to the nearest dog park to play with their doggie friends? Why is it that we insist on making our dogs get out there and make doggie friends and then when something happens, as it will eventually happen between dogs, we become anxious when our dogs are around other dogs?
One has to wonder how many perfectly social dogs are out there who could get along well with other 'stable' dogs if only their human could get over a past event? And one has to wonder just how many of those incidents that have caused the human to be wary of their dog around other dogs happened in a dog park? I'd wager at least 50% or more of the incidents that have caused a human being to be anxious about their dog around other dogs happened in a dog park and the dog suffers from that anxiety the rest of his life or until the human wakes up and smells the 'self-confidence'.
We have got to start seeing dog parks for what is really going on there and not just as a happy fun place for our dogs to play; like a playground at a park for kids. With very, very few exceptions every dog that goes to a dog park arrives there in an elevated state of excitement. Then once inside the park their human parent sends them off with all of the other excited dogs to play excitedly. Excitement, whether we want to accept it or not, can be one of our dogs worst enemies and also their biggest obstacle to acceptable behavior. When a dog is overly excited typically they go deaf. They don't hear us calling for them and they don't pay attention to us at all. I have seen far too many dog meetings that started great transform into a fight simply because one dog was overly excited and the other dog didn't appreciate it. Sadly enough we humans love seeing our dogs excited; we believe that when they are excited that they are 'happy' but they are just excited and it can get them into trouble very quickly if we don't control that excitement. I have a pit bull that is basically 'bullet proof' behavior-wise. He is often complimented on his calm demeanor and acceptable behavior. He gets along well with other dogs. No worries right? Well if I didn't keep an eye on his excitement it would be a totally different story with him. How do I know? I've seen it. He started out that way and he was 'horrible' as a puppy; nothing less than a house wrecking, nibbling, nipping, jumping, crazy, out of control bundle of excitement. It was only through helping him learn that the excitement wasn't wanted and that calm earned him attention, affection, freedoms and perks that he changed. However even though he's a changed dog no dog parks for us. It's not worth the risk of his cheese slipping off his cracker for a millisecond while I'm looking the other way and him getting into an altercation with someone else's dog.
So in a nutshell the dog park is a place of excitement where we are taking our excited dog, letting them run off to play and then getting upset when something happens. Although dog parks are a wonderful idea and would be a perfect place to help a dog socialize IF everyone else made sure that their dog was calm and friendly I just don't believe that in practice they work; at least not while humans are humans!
My Dog's Doggie Friends
When it comes to our dogs having to have other doggie friends some of us tend to believe that it's just not that necessary for our dogs to be happy, fulfilled dogs while a member of our family.
I think the biggest thing is that we have got to stop assigning human feelings and needs to our dogs. If our dogs are capable of 'feeling' lonely then that would only be because we aren't being engaged enough with them or we aren't including them in enough of our activities or we aren't giving them the exercise that they need. It is not essential that our dogs be around other dogs. That doesn't mean that they can't, it just means that it's not essential to their well being as a dog. Concurrently they can all be around other dogs but ONLY if we humans learn about canine behavior, from not one but any source we can, and then know our dogs...NOT know our dogs in that we put our own emotions, anxieties and fears onto them but know our dogs in how they are independent of our own needs or emotions. They don't HAVE to be friends with every dog they meet but on the other hand if we humans can get our stuff together emotionally they CAN get along with nearly every dog that they meet. Either way it's we humans that determine how our dogs get along with other dogs.
Even if our dog has a dog aggression issue then it's our responsibility to work on it, getting help if needed, so that they won't be anxious about other dogs. In the end it's going to be our feelings about a situation and how well we believe we can handle whatever happens that is going to determine how things go when our dog aggressive dog meets another dog. We can't approach our dog meeting another dog as if something bad is sure to happen or by holding a memory of a bad meeting in our heads but we must approach it knowing that if something happens that we are perfectly capable of handling it calmly and successfully without anyone getting hurt. I have a dog that is fearful and anxious around other dogs in spite of the fact that I approach him being around other dogs in a calm, rational way without any fears or ideas about what will happen. As a result I never know when he's going to be cool and when he's going to be a pill...but in the end no matter how he behaves I am the one who is in charge of the meeting and I can handle whatever happens.
There are a lot of people out there, some who claim that 'science' proves that their opinion is reality, who believe that a dog that has had an issue or that continues to have issues with other dogs simply needs to avoid all contact with other dogs. Some of them are trying by having scheduled meetings with other dogs and their owners to have a 'safe' walk usually meaning that the dogs never meet one another and only get to about six feet or so from one another. Well I'd have to say that at least it's a start, an honest one and they are working on the issue; that is the positive thing about these people. However some of these people believe that this is it (the six foot rule); that this is as close as their dog can ever get to another dog and simply continue to have their dogs within a distance that won't allow them to become anxious or agitated. A distance the 'human' feels is 'safe' based on their dogs reactions when if the truth be known is probably based much more on how close the human feels is safe which goes right down the leash to the dog on the other end eventually setting the dog off when they get too close for the humans comfort. While I am totally on board with helping dogs feel comfortable around other dogs, even if six feet or more away from the other dog, I would like to see work done to gradually lessen that distance so that in time the dog is comfortable close to other dogs. Of course having a group made up only of dogs that are uncomfortable around other dogs might be one of the main reasons why so many of the dogs that participate in these 'safe' groups never seem to get better and never graduate to being able to be around other dogs up close. Dogs are influenced by their canine peers. Anyone who has ever been in a shelter or a place where there are a lot of dogs knows this. One dog barks and it sets the whole group off. So logically having a group of dogs that are all uncomfortable around other dogs would mean that there can't be much progress made because there are no stable dogs to influence the other dogs. I hope that these 'safe' groups will consider this the next time they meet. Get some easy going dog friendly dogs to join you; you might be really surprised at the result.
In the end whether or not our dog gets along with other dogs is entirely up to us. We've got to accept the responsibility for our own anxieties, fears and insecurities and then get a handle on them for the sake of our dogs. We are the single most important influence on our dog's behavior but we so often won't or don't accept that responsibility and choose instead to believe that the dog came that way or some incident made our dog that way or anything we can think of to free us of having anything to do at all with how our dogs act. Even if we get a dog that was 'emotionally' damaged it's up to us and is our responsibility to help it, to get help if we need to, to get over it's issues and not be a 'enabler' by helping the dog avoid whatever it is that upsets it. We can't simply allow the dogs life to be spent in anxiety and fear because we can't recognize the part that we play in the dogs well-being. We must start to focus on how wonderful the dog will feel when it's absolved of it's anxieties and fears and then work toward that goal for the sake of our dog.
We have to stand up and take responsibility for our dog's behavior; there is not other way to safely and humanely have a dog!
